Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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