I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
