I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
