playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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