This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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