Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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