I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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