Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
