The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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