i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize