we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
