Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
