I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
