Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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