I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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