if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
