If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
