I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Come back. Shots need mouths.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
