oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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