here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We need to rekindle our bromance
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
