What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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