When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
