he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
