Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
