I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
