I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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