I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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