i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
