I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
