mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
