you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize