He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize