dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
