My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
