I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize