Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
