Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
