dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize