You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
