these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
