if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
