she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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