did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
