don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize