a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
