It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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