do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I didn't notice because vodka
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize