Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
