At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
