i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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