I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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