Three words: puerto rican gang bang
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
