Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
