Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
