dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
