It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
