I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize