last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
