hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
