Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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