Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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