if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
