Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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