Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
