it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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