really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize