just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
