so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
