I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
