I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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