I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize