Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
