spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
