I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
