This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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