Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
