I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
