I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize