Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
