nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this boner is exhausting
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
