Where is the hickey?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
