I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
