Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
