12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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