it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
