OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
