Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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