when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
