My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
