Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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