me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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