You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
