Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
