is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
