your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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