I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
