Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
