based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
