I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
