The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
