Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
