My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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