I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
